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Cunning in-laws, my husband slapped me by influence of MIL. I left home!

Asked by Female, 32, Married

I am married for last 3 years and I have a daughter. My problem is that my in-laws are very cunning. My mother-in-law is dominating to an extent, but I don't follow what she says, so now out of her influence my husband is against me. They try to save money, every time I ask them to get something repaired of my room or washroom. Three days before something similar had happened, but this time I and my husband had an argument about this, and my husband slapped me. I left the house and my child for 2 hours, other than my parents no one called me to get back. I came back and after a day's gap, we again had the same argument with my in-laws and my husband said that he will again hit me if I say anything against them. I and my family( over the phone) were just asking not to hit, but everyone supported hitting and said that all the men had done the same in their houses. After all the arguments as per my father-in-law everything got cleared, and with my father-in- law's permission, I came to my cousin's place for few days.

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Answer

Sneha

Psychotherapist

Answered over 4 years ago

Dear Writer, I appreciate your writing in. It must be difficult and at the very least painful for you to find yourself in this situation. Although you have said that your in laws are the problem, lets also look at the relationship between you and your husband. The recent altercations between the two of you has led him to hurt you physically and it clearly upsets you. You don't accept that your husband should be slapping you at all, no matter how angry he feels. I second you there. Slapping is physical abuse. No matter how provoked one feels, resorting to physical abuse/ violence is wrong and also a punishable offence.
How long have your arguments been getting out of control? Are you concerned that your husband and his family does not see anything wrong with this? What is the relationship with you mother in law like?
Disagreements and arguments are common and but natural to have. It is easy to get provoked. The things we say can be very hurtful. Even though it's wrong to resort to any kind of physical violence, ask yourself whether the things you say are equally hurtful? In your anger is it possible that the things you say seem to push his buttons and provoke him? Do you both resolve and talk things out? If your relationship with your husband is healthy then no one will be in a position to affect your relationship either.

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