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Long-distance marriage, husband confronted about cheating and wants me to forgive. But I can't trust him back

Asked by Female, 28, Married

It's been two years that I got married. My husband has been working in abroad for past two years, and I am in home town. Recently he was back to home on a vacation, and accidentally I came across messages containing conversations with a girl. The conversations clearly indicated that they both were in a relationship and he will divorce me soon on my request. I confronted him, and to which he apologized and said, that relation was just nothing and started as casual talk and nothing more than that. He asked for forgiveness and want to start afresh. However, now I am not able to trust him the way I trusted him before. Now he is back to his work place, and I am always worried about him and his whereabouts amid a lot of insecurities. What am I supposed to do? I feel like this relationship is coming to an end. I can never get back to him the way it was, Kindly advise me

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Answer

Sneha

Psychotherapist

Answered over 4 years ago

Dear Writer, I appreciate your having written in. I understand that you are having a hard time trusting your husband and your reasons perfectly justify your fears. Trust is the foundation of any relation and once broken can be very hard to rebuild.
How was your relationship prior to your finding out about his indiscretions?
Now having said that, the question remains what do you want to do? You had to go through a painful experience and whether you healed from it or not is for you to answer. Either way you fear getting hurt again by your husband and have pulled back to protect yourself. Although your husband apologised and you took him back, there are two ways to go from here. One, you forgive, decide to start afresh and let your husband earn your trust and move on..Two, you decide you can't accept or forgive this and decide to move on without him in your life.
What you have to ask yourself is whether this relationship is worth being saved? Whether you husband truly repents his error or was it only because he got caught? Is he worthy of your trust? Do you feel like your husband is putting in efforts to earn your trust? Do you feel like you matter or valued in this marriage?
From what I can gather, you still remain unresolved with what happened.Having your trust broken can make you feel like you weren't important or worthy of respect and loyalty. Have you spoken to your husband about your concern and fears?

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