Cheating is a painful, deeply unsettling experience, but is also a subjective one. Some relationships come out stronger after a couple has properly dealt with the incident, why it happened and with the partner who wavered, while other relationships don't stop going down the downward spiral till the relationship is finished. It's largely based upon the reason a partner cheated. In my opinion there is no reason good enough to justify cheating but if the partner has a reason, it's worth looking at it. The way I see it, whether your relationship can survive the episode or not is dependent...

It seems like you've had a difficult and painful past with your previous relationship. It's natural for fear to take over when you have been let down once. The positive side to this is that you feel the need for companionship again and have even taken a few steps in that direction by engaging conversation with men and also by putting up your profile on a matrimonial page. The thing with trust is, that when it breaks once, it has the power to make you question all the other realities of life. However recognizing that one bad experience doesn't guarantee that all your experiences will be...

Trust is one of the most necessary foundations of any relationship. I see that it is now becoming questionable for you in your marriage. Your wife chose to keep her chat from you until you found out about it 2 years later. What that chat means and what about it bothers you is something for you to think about... it is her hiding it from you or her chatting with someone or anything else? Why someone chooses to keep something from someone is that either they are doing something that won't be liked or that they won't be approved or understood or accepted because of it. Try to explore what...

Your boyfriend clearly does not value loyalty in this relationship nor does he value you, but you already know that. You were letting him take advantage of you and he could afford to do so as he knew this well too. You say that you don't want to stay with him but at the same time you're not able to let go of him as well. First thing first, is this what you want? If yes, go ahead. If not, is it getting you any closer to what you eventually want? If yes, go ahead. If not, stop yourself from pursuing short term benefits and taking the easier road. It is difficult, but no one said it was...

Finding out that your partner is cheating on you can be extremely devastating. For starters, take time to process what is happening. It's difficult to be able to keep sane and think with maturity in such times but give yourself the time to ponder upon your relationship and your needs and what you make of it. A huge decision lies ahead of you to decide whether you wish to work on the marriage at all or you are unwilling to give it another chance. Do you really want to end your marriage or relationship? Is their cheating strong enough to kill your love for them? How are your children...

Your heart and trust has been broken by your husband. More so, it has not healed completely yet. You still are not sure about your husband's loyalty towards you as this has taken place many times behind your back. To worsen it, there is no intimacy left in your marriage. It takes time and is a painful journey and a difficult process to recover and restore a relationship that has undergone infidelity. I can imagine your pain and agony. To begin with, it would help for you to ask yourself if you see yourself giving this marriage a chance or not. If you do think it might be possible...

One enters into marriage with dreams of hoping to start a new journey with their partner that is filled with love and happiness. For a happy and successful marriage, both partners need to be equally invested to work towards it. With the foundation of the marriage itself, trust and commitment, not in place, this is certainly not why someone enters into a marriage. I can imagine your pain and agony. Before moving on any further, ask yourself if you are willing at all to give a chance to this marriage or not. Also try to figure out if your husband is willing to do the same. If either of you...

Trust is the basic pillar of a marriage. With that not in place, the foundation built upon that is shaky. There are various reasons for why someone is unable to trust their partner: previous experience of being cheated on/ having cheated childhood experience of observing lack of trust in relationships or the reason for the same personality trait of not being able to trust someone influence of media/ peer groups behaviour of the other that gives reasons for doubt unacceptable to the fact that opposite sex can be friends Try to figure out what your wife's reasons are and then when...

Dealing with a short tempered person is itself not easy to begin with. To top it, you suspect him to be cheating on you with his ex who is now married. Since then he seems to have stopped talking with you. To begin with, try to explore what made him stop talking with you. Is he hurt by you doubting on him or is it that he indeed is cheating on you and thus is trying to stay away from you to avoid further mess? Ask yourself is he really cheating or is it your insecurities playing out? To help you figure that, I am sharing with you an article that you might find...

You feel that you have lied to your girlfriend about certain things in order to avoid dealing with worsened situations had she known the truth. Now you both are to be married but it has come to a point where you think that she does not trust you as much which has caused her to avoid you, more so when her friends are around. With the marriage coming closer, her lack of trust in you bothers you and it hurts even more to have her avoid you, especially in front of others. Your intention to spare your girlfriend is understandable, however, it is important that you know that it is not your place...

His explanation doesn't make a possibility mutually exclusive. Things can seem a certain way strongly as long as you're speculating. The fact that your husband stopped supporting her financially after you objected indicates a different outcome but the fact that he lied to you about this situation indicates otherwise. I think voicing your displeasure about his actions more articulately would serve as a step to setting boundaries in your marriage. The next thing to consider talking to him about would be his expectations from your marriage. It maybe possible that because he feels that your...

One enters into marriage with dreams of hoping to start a new journey with their partner that is filled with love and happiness. For a happy and successful marriage, both partners need to be equally invested to work towards it. With the foundation of the marriage itself, trust and commitment, not in place, this is certainly not why someone enters into a marriage. I can imagine your pain and agony. Before moving on any further, ask yourself if you are willing at all to give a chance to this marriage or not. Also try to figure out if your husband is willing to do the same. If either of you...

Hi Writer, thank you for writing in. It takes great courage to reach out for help. It seems that you are facing difficulty in your marriage. Getting to know of your husband's infidelity has caused you a lot of pain so much so that you feel depressed to an extent where the thought of ending your life has also crossed your mind. Although your husband feels guilt and remorse but you are finding it difficult to forget it and the thought has become unbearable for you and you wish to end the marriage. I understand that it must be a difficult position for you to be in. It certainly must not...

Hi Writer, thank you for writing in. It takes great courage to reach out for help. It seems that you are facing difficulty in your marriage. You recently found out about your wife's affair which has been devastating for you. You also confronted with both of them regarding this and tried to stop it immediately but your wife seems to have a different opinion on this. Her behaviours have made you suspicious of her continuing the affair despite your efforts to stop it. I understand that it must be a difficult position for you to be in after 20 years of marriage and two children involved,...

Hi Writer, thank you for writing in. It takes great courage to reach out for help. It seems that you are facing difficulty in your marriage. It disturbs and bothers you that your husband talks to other women in your absence but when you are present he tries to convince you of his love for you. You also do not want to be too clingy in wanting to bring him back. I understand that it must be a difficult position for you to be in. Firstly, I would appreciate the courage in you for being able to manage so far. I can imagine that this must have been very hard for you. Could you tell me a...

Hi Writer, thank you for writing in. It takes great courage to reach out for help. It seems that you are facing difficulty in your marriage with regard to your husband's behaviours. He does not seem to carry out responsibilities towards his family, gives more importance to other colleagues and maintains passwords on all his gadgets. I understand that it must be a difficult position for you to be in since his behaviours seem to upset and disturb you. You are uncomfortable with his interactions with female colleagues and when you confront him, he humiliates and abuses you. This must be...

Hi Writer, thank you for writing in. It takes great courage to reach out for help. It seems that you are facing difficulty in your marriage. I understand that it must be a difficult position for you to have found out about your husband's infidelity. Firstly, I would appreciate the courage in you for being able to manage so far. I can imagine how devastating this must have been for you and it certainly is not easy to handle such big news. Could you tell me a little bit about yourself and your husband as individuals? How long have you been married? Was it an arranged marriage or a...

Hi Writer, thank you for writing in. It takes great courage to reach out for help. From what I gather, it seems that you are finding it difficult to feel secure in your relationship with your fiancé since there is a different guy who has approached her for her hand in marriage, just before you were to be engaged to her, of which you discovered only post your engagement. Your fiancé kept this from you to avoid causing you pain. It is understandable that you feel worried given that you both live in different cities and that your girl and the guy have known each other for a long time and...

Dear Writer, thank you for writing in. It takes a lot of courage to reach out and ask for help. I understand you are going through a very difficult time in your relationship. Your boyfriend cheated on you and although you have decided to give him another chance, you are still hurting from it. The relationship doesn't feel the same anymore even though he feels guilty about his actions. This has caused you anxiety and depression and you want to feel better. To understand you better and help you accordingly, could you tell me more about yourself as an individual? How long have you been in...

Hi Writer, thank you for reaching out to us. I'm sure it's not easy to talk about what you've been going through. I'm sure it's been very emotionally hurtful to you and makes it very difficult to trust your husband again. Are you struggling more with trust or hurt by his betrayal and therefore feel the need to do something hurtful to him as well?

Dear Writer, it must be difficult and painful to have to witness your parents' relationship fall apart. I understand you and your brother have tried everything to make them sort it out. Now the fact is that this situation is not in your control therefore the feeling of helplessness. Both your parents have to be inclined and willing to work on their marriage. I'm guessing there might have been some existing problems which may have led to your mother having an affair. How would you like me to help you? We can either focus on what you are going through emotionally as a result of this...

Dear Writer, thank you for writing to us. You have shown courage in reaching out and taking this step. I understand you are concerned and upset over the state of your marriage. What sort of sites is he chatting on and have you come across inappropriate messages in these chats? Could you also tell me for how long have you been married and when did the problems start? Answering these questions will help me understand your situation and guide you accordingly. Please message back to continue discussing. Regards

Dear Writer, thank you for writing in. It takes courage to reach out and take this step. I understand you want to work on rebuilding trust and intimacy in your relationship. It's commendable that you understand where the problem lies and what you need work on to ensure you don't turn to someone else to fulfil your needs. Now reduced or no sexual intimacy between a married couple after marriage is more common than you think. It has a lot to do with changes in one's life, responsibilities taking precedence over intimacy and just the fizzling out of excitement post marriage. Although...

Thank you for writing in. It does take tremendous courage to be open about your crisis. To ensure we are working towards a productive solution, can you help me first understand what you mean by 'depression'. The reason I ask is that it is alright to feel 'low' under your circumstances. However, if you have symptoms of clinical depression, that needs to be addressed by a qualified physician and addressed urgently. I can recommend the person you should see. Beyond that, I can work with you towards making decisions. We have to be very clear about what has happened in the past and...

Dear Writer, thank you writing to us. It takes courage to take this step. I understand you feel uncertain of what to do but from what you have written I gather that you know what you are getting into. You understand the complications of the relationship you are in. You could get married but you know it won't be considered legal since he is not divorced nor is he planning for one. It seems as though you understand his situation and are willing to fight for him. I wonder if he is willing to do the same for you? Will he choose you over his family? Could you also tell me how you found out that...

Dear Writer, thank you for writing in. You have shown so much courage in reaching out to us. I understand you are feeling disturbed about the set of events written by you. You weren't ready for sexual intimacy which is something to be respected rather than get rejected over. I have to appreciate that you stood by what you felt was right and comfortable for you. It must have hurt to have ten years of commitment sidelined like that. You were absolutely right in identifying that you were being manipulated into doing something for someone who didn't respect you or your relationship. To continue...

Dear Manju, thank you for writing to us. It takes courage to reach out and take this step. I understand you are finding it difficult to trust your husband and this suspicion is really affecting you. Is there a reason in particular which has made you suspect him and lose trust? Has he cheated on you before? Have there been any changes in his behavior towards you? Have you spoken to him about your doubts? I understand you feel insecure and confused because you don't know for sure. Understandably it has affected your confidence as well. Answering these questions will help me guide you...

Dear Sweta, thank you for writing in. To have your trust broken is no small matter and I understand you are in a lot of pain. You thought you knew your husband and his infidelity is making you question everything about your relationship. I understand you question your husband's apology because what's the guarantee that he won't slip ever again. You have decided to stay in the marriage and since forgiving him seems impossible, there's still your feelings to consider. Since you won't be falling back on your relationship there are chances that your anger and depression can increase. I know...

Dear Writer, Thank you for writing in. It does take tremendous courage to be open about your concerns and you should be proud that you are taking the first (and most difficult) step towards resolving it. You know it is challenging to change another person’s behaviour. However it is possible to work closely with you to help make the decisions towards resolving it. Although you have been clear about your situation, could you help me understand the top 3 concerns you need addressed? Articulating your concerns in a precise and tangible manner will help us develop a focused approach....

Dear Writer, thank you for writing in. Firstly congratulations on your pregnancy although it had been a stressful one. I understand you are struggling to trust your husband even though he may not have cheated on you. I think considering your state you naturally expect and hope that your husband would want to spend more time with you. Can you tell me whether it has always been like this or if your husband's constant socialising more recent? Can you tell me what his reaction to your pregnancy was? Answering these questions will help me understand your situation better. To get to the heart of...

Dear Writer, thank you for writing in. Whether or not you think you are over-possessive, the important point here is that you are not able to trust your husband. To feel like your trust was broken can really hurt. So the important matter is, what do you think is going on? Just to clarify, do you normally make a habit of checking your husband's phone? Although you said that after your father in law's demise you came across these messages, had any incident like this occurred before as well that made you question your trust and check his phone? Are you aware of who this other person or is...

Dear writer, thank you writing to us. I understand you are stressed and very hurt with what has happened. You have been married for 7 years but your husband's family doesn't know of it. Can you tell me why your in- laws don't know about you and how you feel about it? Your husband has married a second time without your consent but his family knows about this marriage. I am unclear about this situation so to understand it better could you tell me a little bit more about yourself, your background/ religion, any children maybe? Was your marriage legal / official? I understand you feel cheated...

Hi there. I am sorry to hear about this. You must feel angry and cheated. Can you answer some questions so I can understand your situation a little better?

Dear Writer, I appreciate your having written in. I understand that you are having a hard time trusting your husband and your reasons perfectly justify your fears. Trust is the foundation of any relation and once broken can be very hard to rebuild. How was your relationship prior to your finding out about his indiscretions? Now having said that, the question remains what do you want to do? You had to go through a painful experience and whether you healed from it or not is for you to answer. Either way you fear getting hurt again by your husband and have pulled back to protect yourself....

Hey, First and foremost let me tell you that you are a courageous person. As you have expressed very well what you are experiencing. I can understand you are feeling like, if only there was a time machine and you could go back to that moment and you could say NO if it is just for fun. You are beating yourself inside and feeling thoroughly let down and feel cheated. I would say yes you are hurting, and I can see that you also feel you have learnt your lesson. Every situation happens in life for us to learn something. Sometimes there are small incidences which lessons which come to...

Hi there. I am so sorry that you had to go through this phase without much support. I hope you have recovered from the physical trauma. As for the emotional suffering, I see that it has not only hurt and angered you, but has also made you doubt yourself. Sometimes when we are extremely stressed and do not find adequate support and means to cope, we get overwhelmed and develop negative thought patterns. Before I can help you further, please answer the following questions:

Dear writer, I appreciate your having written in. I can see that you consider your possessiveness detrimental to your relationship. All possessiveness really boils down to is insecurity and distrust. It might be possible that you feel left out of the equation between your boyfriend and his friend; that although what they share is a special friendship it makes you question the exclusivity of your relationship with your boyfriend. Somewhere along the way you may have stopped feeling valued and maybe that's why the dislike towards this person. Insecurities have a way of getting the better of...

Dear Madam – I appreciate you reaching out to express your stress and seek help to handle it. I can understand your mental stress about your husband’s friendship with his female colleagues. You have been married for 43 years and to continue to be in a situation like this disturbs you and affects your day to day functioning. Some additional information would help me understand your situation better.

Hi, Thanks for confiding in us and feeling that we would be good to help you out with this situation. You definitely are going through a lot. When you say you feel insecure, that says you are afraid of loosing him and you definitely don't want that to happen. You also mention that yours is a love marriage and you'll are together for last 10 years. That indeed is a very long time that both of you have devoted to your relationship and you obviously won't be happy if any third person interferes. You also say that you'll have regular fight over this. He says he would not talk to her but...

Hey, Greetings for the day! What you are experiencing is a regular form of possessiveness when you are in a relationship, but there is a thin line of difference between it looking cute and bad. Now that you know that he loves you, then start trusting and come out of the suspicion that you have for your relationship. How to do it is very simple, have faith on yourself and know that you are everything you would need, and automatically you will feel secure about people around you, in that way you won't be in any doubt on anyone near by you. Thanks.

hi, I can understand what you are going through and feel really sad for you. I appreciate your courage to come forward for help. You need to take a strong decision first, you can't go back and change your life. Decide whether you want him and love him truly or no. once you decide you will have to sit with him and sort out things.

Greetings,I read and I went through what you had written. I must say that this entire scenario with your boyfriend has shook you up and it is not very healthy for you principles wise and otherwise as well.Having said that, with each word that you were typing, I am sure you might have lived through the entire experience once again, its tough. Whilst you were typing I realized that there is a realization in you that you are aware of the state of mind that you are in and you want to get out of it.Since, you want to get out of this situation, the solutions are pretty crystal clear that you have...

Hello, You must be feeling so frustrated and cheated at this moment. Please imagine, I am giving you a warm hug and holding you with all the protection. As you were already dealing with the unexpected behaviour, you got another news regarding your unplanned pregnancy. It must be very tough for you. Let me tell you that life is full of challenges and sometimes we are faced with very unexpected events and situations. At that moment we feel that this is so tough, why did I have to go through this. We feel hurt, angry, betrayed and all the negative emotions surface. We also start...

Hi, As i read your description, i do get sense of shock you have felt because of fact that you have found out in morning, if you feel comfortable please share of what made you so shocked so that we can help you out about it Do write back to us in detail about the same so we can better help you

Hi there! Thank you for reaching out. I can imagine the confusion and stress you are going through. At the same time, you seem to be smart and aware of your situation. I understand you want to give your husband the benefit of doubt. But first, ponder over a few points: If you were in this girl's place, would you still be texting those words to a man who had indeed ended his relationship with you a year back? If this relationship ended and your husband has nothing to hide, why is he keeping his phone locked? Does he share his mobile password with you freely or does he flinch if you check his...

Greetings, It takes lot of courage to actually write what you are feeling through and I can see that you are filled with guilt of what happened, and like you said it happened in the spur of moments and it is not necessary to be so hard on yourself. One of the many things that we human beings often forget is to be kind to self and it is okay that you have committed the mistake, but the important thing is that you have the realization of what you did and now that you have to work to make it better. About getting back with your boy friend, that is completely your choice to go ahead with that...

Hi, Thank you for writing to us finally. You have indeed taken this for a very long time and have a very big heart to have forgiven your wife even after learning regarding her physical relationship. And now you are again standing on the same junction as you were five years ago. I am sure you must be very sure of this having happened again and you are not just feeling so traumatised from some false information. It must be very difficult to keep forgiving her and any person would consider divorce as an option to save his self respect. However I would ask you to give this another thought...

Hi, The things that are mentioned by you, is a series of things that a person who needs to fulfill his bodily needs seek for and so you will find the person reaching out to fulfill his needs repeatedly. Given that you want to protect the family and the marriage has to be saved from both the parties for children's sake at least for the beginning stagesThese are the two things I would like to suggest you:1) Try to increase communication and spend some more time in building the existing relation that you have:Take a walk together every early morning and eveningHave a meal at least every day...

Hello, It is really commendable that you have carried in this relationship for so many years. Also good that you have finally decided to take help. It is not surprising that you have all the physical ailments which are due to the constant stress and pressure you have been living in. The first thing to do is take care of your health. Focus in yourself and stop thinking about what is happening with your husband and his morals. Four years of no work is what have caused the other issues of depression and migraine. So being in with the first goal that is take care of your health. There...

Hi, From your description i understand that you feel that your wife has been unfaithful, if you could write back to us with more details of what do you mean by being unfaithful and describe with incidents we will be able to help you better Do write back to us, so we can help you in depth with it