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Married for 2 years. Fighting a lot due to mother in law. Not able to separate due to child
Asked by Female, 23, Married
I have been married since two years. First 2 months of our marriage were good because I stayed with my mother in law so my husband was happy but then I decided to shift with my husband and I came with him. my husband salary is not good enough so we are living like this anyhow but then my mother in law(who is suffering from bipolar disorder depression) interfered in between and ask my husband to send me back because she live with one of her elder son who has a son too and his wife left him. Now my mother in law want me to leave my husband and look after her son's. Because his elder son has a bad habit of drinking alcohol and he is also mentally sick because his wife left him with a son. Then for some time I shifted with them to look after, then she was never satisfied with my work whatever I did she used to pinch small things and tell my husband and then we both used to had a fight over it and then I decided to shift with my husband and I came back and conceived my first child,when I was 2 months pregnant my mother in law had a fight with my husband because he was taking me with him to his place and my in law's place is too far for me to live without my husband. All throughout my pregnancy I was with my husband then I went to my father's place for my pregnancy period. I have a 7 months old son and again my mother in law called my husband to send me there for looking after her and his grand son from other son. Like I have a small baby I won't be able to sit and relax because he keeps me busy all day then how would I be able to look after them. when I refused to go their place, my husband started arguments and so many things he said he reminded me that I have so many responsibilities towards his family which I m not full filling why only I follow my responsibility why don't he ask his mother to fulfill her responsibility towards us, I am staying with my husband when he go to office all day I am alone takes care of my son and I asked him to take his mother here for my help he refused for that he said my mother is not well she won't be able to takeover. So many times we needed financial help from his mother but she never helped us for a penny she gets good pension but not at all supportive like I had a love marriage that too in early age so I feel shy sharing all this with my parents they will also blame me for getting married with my own choice. Please help I don't want to stay in this marriage at all but i have a baby boy because of him I fail every time I think of leaving what to do please help.all this just broke me apart he only listens to his mom I am nothing for him I don't feel secure with him now I feel alone. What do I do?
Answer
Arunita Biswas
Clinical Psychologist
Dear User8421, Having read your mail, I felt that you are in a lot of trouble and at such a young age. There are a number of issues which have cropped up in your life, at the same time and you seem to be unable to cope with them. As you said, it's quite a long story and I will need to know more about the dynamics of the relationships you have with the different people in your life. I would recommend that you write to me about one relationship at a time and describing them. For instance, your relationship with your parents, in laws, husband, friends, etc. Take care. Arunita Biswas
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