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Married for 2 years. Wife fights at small things.
Asked by Male, 31, Married
I am married for 2 years . Both are working. Mine is arranged marriage. I am unable to concentrate in office and feeling depressed and having suicide thoughts sometimes. My dad was a fermer, and from past 15 years we were not cultivating anything because of water resources. Somehow my dad managed money for my education and I started working in IT from 2010.I have one married elder brother he is also working in IT and one married elder sister. My wife's dad was a retired govt. employee and mother house wife and she has one younger sister and they stay in town. My wife gets issue on every small things and she wants to talk for long time. If I give money to my dad then she questions me why your giving money to your dad? If you give everything to him then what about our savings? She will pay house rent some utilities bill with her salary and remaining she will keep it with her, I will not ask her money also. One small incident. Once my sister came to my house and while leaving she took my wife's hair band and one water bottle with water, so for this my wife argued me how can she take my hair band and water bottle(which my mom brought for me) without asking me. Like this another 2/3 incidents happened with my sister. So now my wife hates my sister. When ever I plan to go to my home some of the other thing she will take to argue and my wife doesn't like staying in my village home, she says it's not clean. She always wants to go to her mother home only, she wants to stay there for long. My bad luck is that my village and her home is near by 1 hour journey, so when ever I go to my village then for sure I have to take her to her home if not then fight only. Sometime I directly go to her home only but she will not go to my village even while returning. I understand her feelings that every women wants to stay more days in her mom house and even my dad don't say no because even he has one daughter. Once I went to my home then from there started (morning i told her will start by 4PM but we started by 4:30PM) to my wife home along with my mother(my mom needs to admit in hospital in my wife's town for 2 days). She got angry for this, and my wife said my mom can't cook food for everyone she also not feeling well. I said I didn't ask your mom to prepare food right. I know that your mom also not feeling well. Like this there are many incidents I had gone through. One thing is that my wife doesn't like my family only. When ever we argue/fight then she starts talking/digging about past things. Then gone it will keep continue for long time. I thinks that both husband and wife are same, it's not like one is more and other one is less. By having this in my mind I will always listen my wife and most of the time I say yes only whatever she says. But I think she is taking this as advantage and thinking like whatever I say my husband has to listen me rather nod his head.
Answer
Dr. Joseph
Counseling Psychologist
Hello,
Thank you for writing to askmile with your serious difficulties that you encounter after your marriage. You say you have done enough to make your wife happy but she is not happy. You tried to fulfill her expectations and demands but still not happy. She does not like your family members interacting with you, coming to your house, or taking help. As a farmer your father struggled hard to help you reach where you are today. Also your brother and sister. Now, you want to help your family but she is against helping them, particularly sending money.
It appear there is a big gap between the socio-economic background of her family and yours. She comes from a better to do economic background and find it difficult to stay in your home in the village. You expectation that you would get a wife who would also take care of the family is not happening.
You say you are not able to concentrate, feeling depressed, and suicidal. Kindly note if you have the suicidal thoughts frequently and intense, you need to consult a psychiatrist or professional counsellor immediately.
Meanwhile, you can also write back to us. We are here to help you any time.
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