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My husband loves me a lot but unable to have sex

Asked by Female, 34, Married
Me and my partner is in very stressful relationship actually from the day of my marriage I feel that there is some problem with my husband. He has no interest in love making although he loves me a lot. But he is not able to do sex. We went for a consultation but we are not satisfied with the doctor. All hormonal studies and blood tests and doppler is normal. What to do next?
Answer
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Kiran Lakhani
Counselling Psychologist

Hi,

I have gone through your query and I understand that you are having trouble in sexual relations with your husband. You did sought professional help but it didn't help much.

Trust me, it is not a rare issue. Many couples face this but very few seek help. I really appreciate you seeking help. You will have to be very patient, I know and understand that it is difficult but hasting the process won't do any good. So why not try to be patient, as you are doing and find out the solution.

A detailed history to understand your life can help in understanding what is happening, which a psychologist can help you do that.

Some of the questions that will help are:

1. Does he get aroused? (you have already mentioned that there is no physical problem, but answering this question will give us detail about arousal in relation to you)

2. Has he had sexual relations before? (to understand that is the dynamics between you two which is resulting in this or has this been before too)

3. When you say, "he is not able to do sex", are you saying that he is not able to get erection or maintain erection or is it something else?

4. Does he masturbate? (if he does we know that he gets aroused, and may be using more of porn and the expectations during sex between you two are different)

5. How is your relationship with him? Does he like it when you touch him or caress him?

6. Would you say that if learn different ways of seduction that might help?

Try and answer these questions and write back to us if you have any more queries. Just to remind you, the suggestions or questions given are just for initial understanding, an in-depth understanding is required to help you.

All the best.

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