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Unsupportive husband. Lack of physical intimacy after childbirth

Asked by Female, 34, Married

I feel depressed. From the time i delivered it looks feels like the baby is exclusively my responsibility. My hubby doesn't help in babys routine and babys stuff even on weekends and holidays. My baby is 14 months + yet no outing I have gone too without my baby whereas my hubby at the 11th hour also plans and goes to friends place for drinks and sometimes whole night he is there and comes in the morning. Not even once he thinks how tired I can be. Not keen on my career at the moment because baby is small. My dad lives with us so he feels my dad will help with the baby. Secondly not interested in intimacy. Even if I initiate says tired and moves back. I am throughout my pregnancy due to I'll health no intimacy but 3 months post delivery doctor said all good now you guys can have physical intimacy yet from last 14+ months only 2 three times. Financially I am dependent on him doesn't like to put my baby in day care or keep servant.

Answer

Dr. Joseph

Counseling Psychologist

Message Dr. Joseph

Answered over 4 years ago

Hello Writer,

Thank you for reaching out to the Askmile team with your difficulties with your husband and predominant unhappiness that you experience due to lack of love and care from him. Certainly, it is a tough experience when you find that your husband is not caring enough for you and the baby.

During pregnancy you felt your husband did not do enough for you in terms of emotional support and family management. After the delivery you had to to everything to manage the baby and the household stuff and it is quite disappointing that your husband did not do much. It appears there is a big emotional gap between two of you. During the last few months the intimacy - sexual experience was very limited and you are deprived of physical-sexual intimacy.

During weekdays he spends very little time with you due to work demands. And on weekends he plans for himself leaving you and the baby behind. Post delivery period he has not planned any outing for you and the baby, even during the weekends. This is making you feel frustrated. Is there any specific reason that he is avoiding you? What are his complaints about you?

You said he has no concern about your career. I understand now you are home with the baby. Have you been employed? What kind work did you do? Do you talk to him about your going back to work? Of course during this time you are dependent on him financially which is your right.

You said you are depressed. What are the symptoms that led you to think that you have depression. Have you had depression before any time in life? Did you feel depressed only after the delivery? Anybody in your family with the history of depression? Please provide these information so that I can respond comprehensively to your concerns.

How long are you married?
Was it an arranged or love marriage?

I am here to help you. Please write back with further details.

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