The process of Separation is easy but the cyclone of pain and stress which comes after it is the toughest zone to handle. Whether your relationship has been smooth or a bumpy ride dealing with separation is somewhat the same. You will find yourself sailing in a rough sea of emotions where everything is vulnerable.
Why separation is painful
Bruised Ego
Love is the reason you were with your partner and in most of the cases that love is which makes the separation difficult but sometimes the reason is also our ego. If there are Questions like, why he/she did this to me? I was so lovable than what is my fault? coming in your mind then it is surely the pain is more due to bruised ego rather than the broken heart. The feeling of being incapable will start to set in and make the healing process more difficult.
Also read: How to Recover From A Divorce – 5 Very Effective Exercises to Regain Your Self-Confidence
Self Bashing
Post-separation, our mind turns into a rollercoaster. You start to think too much about what you said or what you did and start blaming yourself for the separation. Feeling of guilt starts to creep in and you think that you could have saved your relation if you acted in a certain way. This spiral of guilt and blame obstructs your way to move forward in life.
Addiction of love
According to a study done by Helen Fisher, love causes the same chemical reaction in the brain that is caused by drugs. So you can understand the pain anxiety and stress in separation is similar to the withdrawal of drugs. This is why it is said, “Love is also an addiction”. When someone addicted to drugs is withdrawn from it he starts to think madly about it. He/she can do anything to get it back…same is the case in love. The craving for being with the person you love, the emotions you shared won’t let you move ahead so easily and you might find yourself stuck in that pain.
Separation Is Stressful
Separation is stressful. You can also get PTSD (Post-traumatic Stress Disorder) in which you may have a high level of anxiety, feeling of self –destructiveness, nightmares and sleep disorders. Separation can cause psychological damage to a person. This is the reason some people end their lives post separation because they were not able to deal with the pain of separation.
Feeling of rejection
Humans have natural tendency to fear rejections. When the person we loved the most in the world chooses to go away from you, you feel rejected. This feeling of rejection is not at all easy to digest. We end up in a shock and it takes a lot of time for this shock to fade off.
Dealing with Separation
The biggest question which comes in our mind post separation is how will I manage this anger, confusion, pain which came as a part of separation. Below are few points which will help you deal with the separation.
Take Care
With the onset of varied emotions and stress even doing a simple task will be difficult. Everytime take a deep breathe and remind yourself to take care of someone who is very important i.e “YOU”. Eat Healthily, drink plenty of fluid, give your body proper rest. It is important to feel healthy to cope up with the pain of separation.
Be courteous to your ex
We know it is very difficult but this is the best way to vent away from the pain and anger which is causing you so much distress. Being kind and respectful to the person who hurt you will make you feel stronger. It will also be good for your children ( you might have together) and you will set an example for them.
Go Slow
You may want to get over the pain as soon as possible. But stop! This is not the right way. By doing this you re over stressing your mind and body and it will have negative repercussion. Instead go slow. Give your mind heart and soul time to heal. Let this cycle take its own course.
Do not get into a new relationship
This is human nature. You may try to fill the emptiness by getting into a new relationship. But that is not a good idea to do it now. You are simply looking to fill the empty space while the other person might be serious about you. Apart from this, you may have same expectations with this relationship which you had from your previous one. And when it doesn’t fit into the same criteria you will take out the frustration on your new partner. In this course, you will end up hurting more people in long run. Fall in love again but once the grief of the previous relationship is over.
Be positive
It is natural to grief post-separation, but you cannot be like this forever. Think positive and plan for your now onwards life. Tell yourself every day that it is not the end of the life rather it is a beginning of the new phase. Look in the mirror and appreciate yourself. Be in love with your new surroundings. Your positive thoughts will help you heal fast.
Be with your friends and family
Family and friends will act as a great support system in this crisis time. Share your thoughts with them. Make holiday plan with your loved ones, laugh out loud, speak your heart out and within no time you will feel the pain is slowing down.
No Contact Rule
Do not stalk your ex. According to experts, keeping in touch with your ex constantly reminds you of the failed relationship and moving on become much harder. Instead get rid of all the memories. Say goodbye to those gifts and cards. Free yourself from every materialistic burden. This will help your soul to be free from the pain of this failed relationship.
Bring your hobbies back in life
Pursue the things you loved. Go on a solo trip. Do gardening, dance, and music. Do whatever makes you feel happy and complete. This may sound weird post-separation. But trust us; you will love it after few practices. Join meditation classes. Look into yourself. Find your happiness within.
Make others happy
It is said that what you give is what you get in return. Try and bring a smile to at least one person every day. Your lips will automatically smile. Doing an act of kindness and charity will leave a positive impression on your mind and will make you feel good. Visit an orphanage, play with children. Help some needy. Do whatever you can do to make someone happy. This will help you to open your heart to the outer world once again. It is often said what you give is what you receive.
Consult a therapist
A therapist is a person who can professionally help you out in dealing with this stress of separation. He/she will take a systematic and professional approach to ease your pain. They will not judge you for what happened rather will help you to take this as a lesson in your life and move forward.
In spite of the emotional crisis created by the breakup, this is an opportunity to learn and grow. You can emerge from this experience knowing yourself better and become more mature and resilient. Yes, this is not easy, but absolutely possible to do if you are able to accept the breakup and move on.
