It is easy to get caught up in the business of daily life and forget to make time to cherish our marriage as much as we should. If you find yourself in a rough patch with your wife, understand that this is normal, especially if you’ve been married for many years. But there are many things you can do to help get your marriage back on the right track. A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.
Think about your relationship objectively
Take some time to think about the reasons you were initially attracted to your wife and what you love about her. Think about what attracted her to you and how you might’ve changed over the years. It can be easy to lose the spark after many years of marriage, but you need to think about whether or not you’re actively making her unhappy in your marriage. Maybe she does things that drive you crazy, but try to think about what you could do to make things better for her.
Address any changes in your own behavior since you got married. When you got married, you commit to spending your lives together. You also both married the person you wanted to spend your life with. If you’ve become a different person than the one your wife married (or vice versa), these changes may need to be addressed.
- For instance, there could simply have been tangible changes. If you have become less active or are eating unhealthily and your body reflects that, work to get back in shape.
- If you’ve become more stressed (from work or whatever else) – and maybe harder to be around – acknowledge that this likely a reason that distance may have developed between the two of you.
- Schedule specific time to work on whatever you might need to change. If it’s simply spending more time with you wife, commit to spending certain blocks of time together each week and take these commitments seriously.
- If you frequently find yourself yelling or having fits of anger or other emotional urges, see a therapist soon.
Be patient.
The first thing men need to do is to recognize restoring a broken heart will not happen overnight. Emotions heal very slowly. Steps should begin to restore an injured heart or to rebuild the marriage, but men should not expect too much too soon.
Talk to your wife about how you could make her happier
Tell your wife that you realize the two of you are in a rut and you want to make things better. Ask her what you could do to change the course you are both on. Let her know that you want to invest in your marriage and that you are ready to change if necessary.
Go to couples counseling
If you and your wife have been fighting a lot, it might be a good idea to go to couples counseling together. Find a counselor that you are both comfortable with and start attending sessions. This can be a great way to talk about your problems with the help of a mediator that makes you both feel safe enough to talk about your feelings. They can also recommend methods and activities to practice at home to help you both improve your relationship.
Listen to her when she talks
Communication is the key to a healthy marriage. So often we take each other for granted and get lost in the monotony of everyday life. Ask your wife how her day was and really listen to her answer. Look her in the eye when she speaks to you so she knows she has your full attention. Don’t interrupt her while she is speaking, and wait until she is done to respond. Let her talk to you about things she is upset about instead of always trying to fix her problems.
Offer to help more around the house
Surprise your wife by making dinner or take over vacuuming the living room for her. Offer to do all the grocery shopping this week. Tell your wife that you want to be in charge of getting the kids ready for bed since she always gets them ready for school in the morning. Show your wife that you don’t expect her to do everything by herself and that you are more than willing to help out.
Do something exciting together. Shared experiences are a great way to build intimacy between people. So, if you feel like you and your spouse are drifting apart, plan a fun activity that you’ve both never done before. Take tennis lessons together or hike to a new location. Try some weird new Sushi restaurant or get a tattoo. Doing something exciting and new together will help you both feel a connection that will rekindle the fire of your relationship.
Communicate on her terms
Many women communicate best heart to heart – not head to head. A man should allow his wife to see his heart. He should be willing to be vulnerable with her. Men may need to ask their wives to help them learn how to say things to her. Men cannot talk to their wives as they would their guy friends. Women require understanding, compassion, openness and honesty in communication.
Spend quality time together
Spending quality time together is so important for a marriage. Try to have a date night every week or once a month. Get a babysitter and leave the kids at home. Go to the movies or get a hotel for the evening. Take a weekend trip to the beach or pick her up for lunch on your lunch break. Make it a point to show her that you love her and that you want to spend time with her, not just because she is your wife and you live together, but because you actually enjoy her company.
Give constant assurance
Trust is an important need for a woman in relationships. The wife needs to know that her husband is going to be faithful. Men should not take offense, for example, when their wife asks details about their schedule or the activities of their day. The wife desires to be a partner in her husband’s life and these details help her provide trust and security in the relationship. A man should also tell his wife frequently he loves her and is committed to her. She needs this consistent assurance.
Enjoy yourself. Though it sounds a bit selfish on the first read, maintaining a healthy consistency in the rest of your life – including doing the things that you enjoy – indicates that you’re confident that your marriage can be saved. Don’t neglect being available to your wife, but take care of yourself be doing things you enjoy to make sure you stay in a healthy frame of mind.[4]
- By indicating you’re able to go on with your own life, you’re also indicating that you’re capable of a mature and level-headed conversation.
- Don’t play to her sympathy or try to guilt her by acting dramatically or emphasizing how much it hurts to be without her – it’s immature, and it won’t work in the long term.
