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My boyfriend of 10 years married to his parent choice as i have rejected for being intimate before marriage!

Asked by Female, 30, Single

Boyfriend of 10 years married to someone and the reason given is, I was not being close to him when we first met after so long. It was a long distance relationship. He pushed me into a very intimate situation where I was not comfortable to proceed. He was not happy with my reactions and after that he decided to just proceed with the choice of his parents. When i asked him why he did that, he said he felt rejected that day. That was not true, I even explained to him on that day, I'm not ready for intimacy. I felt lost when he mentioned this. he went back to abroad after his register marriage without his wife. Once he is there, he started to convince me that he did wrong and he push me to spend one night with him. When i asked him what will happen to me after that night, he said I don't know. I also asked him whether he will break his marriage, he said I don't know. What wrong I have done. I can't do what he is expecting me to do. Just because I love him, i can't act stupid. I blocked him. It took him 10 years and he didn't fight for me but just few days to finalize his marriage. He also mentioned no one force him into the decision. Why canvt he decided for me? All this question stressing me out. For 10 years he always wanted to masturbate with me via video call. I'm not interested but he force me, he said he love me so much. Now he is emotionally disturbing me by asking me to be with him till he go back to his country where his wife is. I said no and blocked him.

Answer

Sneha

Psychotherapist

Answered over 4 years ago

Dear Writer, thank you for writing in. You have shown so much courage in reaching out to us. I understand you are feeling disturbed about the set of events written by you. You weren't ready for sexual intimacy which is something to be respected rather than get rejected over. I have to appreciate that you stood by what you felt was right and comfortable for you. It must have hurt to have ten years of commitment sidelined like that. You were absolutely right in identifying that you were being manipulated into doing something for someone who didn't respect you or your relationship. To continue to expect so much from you after he walked out of the relationship is underestimating you. More power to you. You have shown so much strength and used your judgement even though it must have hurt you a lot. You chose your self respect over him and that makes way more deserving of what your ex was offering you. Even though you have blocked him, how are you feeling at this point? It must have not been easy to do what you did.
You need time to heal and I wonder if it's something you want to focus on. Please message back to continue our discussion and let me know what you think. Regards

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