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Feeling very jealous and angry because of husband's conversations with his colleague.

Asked by Female, 28, Married

Mine is a love marriage. I have come out my family for him. It's him and his mm and dad who fought for us. We love with his parents. Lately we are fighting so much because of my jealous towards his colleagues. I am feeling insecure and jealous when ever he spends time with his colleagues, that's because he will not take me any where other than a move and some restaurant, i am feeling alone and leftover when he explores new places with them, let be a small outlet. Mainly it started when he deleted a text he sent his lady colleague, I got to know my self while playing with his phone, it's about how he will miss her as a team member. They gave a farewell party to her, that night he spoke to me very meanly, I have feeling that he behaved like that as because she is leaving and am not letting him spend some time with her and waiting there for him to take me home(we work in same office in different teams). I asked him the same he says there a nothing like that and the reason why he deleted message is because he was feeling old that he texted her. I am unable to control my anger even if I hear his team members names. I fighting so much with him, but what shall I do the more he is spending his time with them, i am feeling rejected, I don't go anywhere without him, sometimes not even with his parents. He loves me, but what he is fed up with these fights one day.

Answer

Dr. Sudhir

Counseling Psychologist

Answered over 4 years ago

Dear Sirla,

Thank you for writing in. It does take tremendous courage to be open about your crisis. I am a doctor who has been practising therapy for several years.

Your sense of "jealousy" is understandable. To establish if it stems from some real facts (which is your view point) or you are making deductions (which is likely your husband's viewpoint), we need to be a bit more objective.

To start with, if this was a single, isolated incident, it is best to have an honest conversation, just stating the facts, without making judgments on him (e.g. "I know you did something") or becoming emotional. That is how we, as adults, who want a positive outcome, deal with such crisis situations. Your response is likely that you have already tried it and it does not work. In that case, we can help you navigate it. If you let me know, when you would have time to talk, we can schedule a quick 15 minute call.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Best Wishes,
Team Askmile

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