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Issues with critic parents

Asked by Female, 29, Married

I wanted to discuss my relationship with my parents. More importantly about why I react the way I do when I'm with them. They are very loving and affectionate. But they are also highly critical. Their criticism brings out the worst in me and everything becomes ugly afterward. I'm worried about what I will do to escape this cycle.

Answer

Dr. Joseph

Counseling Psychologist

Message Dr. Joseph

Answered over 4 years ago

Hello Writer,

Thank you for contacting the askmile team with your concerns about your relationship with your parents. We do discuss matters relating to family experience and you are in the right place for seeking help. You are worried about the quality of interactions between you and your parents. They are very loving and affectionate people. However, you are reacting to their controlling behavior.

I do agree when parents criticize children all the time what you can expect is reaction behaviors. I do understand how you are deeply disturbed with this issue. However, you are seeking a way out to break this cycle of ugly fighting.

When they criticize you it is difficult for you to accept which leads to frustration and angry behavior. I do understand how much you are disturbed when you experience some friction and fight with them in every two days. They tell you what is right and wrong for you. You get into defensive mode and fight back. This leads to unhappiness and frustration on both sides.

What are they criticizing you about? Is it different life styles? Your way of managing responsibilities? You expect some freedom from your parents which you are not getting. This is certainly a matter of concern for you. At the same time you do not know how to break the cycle. If you want to break the cycle there are different ways of managing this issue. One is sitting with them and sharing with that you find it very hurting when they try to control your life now. Do you think they are not willing to discuss the tension with you directly so that they treat you with some freedom.

The other is managing your reaction behavior for the next 24 hours. No matter what comes from that side your ability to maintain total silence without reacting. Tell yourself your stay with them is only for 2 months and create a sense of peace.

Give me a brief description of your parents and your growing up experience with them. Also answer the following questions so that I can answer you comprehensively.

Are you employed?
When have you noticed reacting to your parents? Recent or from childhood?

I am here to help you. Kindly respond with further details.

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